Indecisiveness

It is a disease with me, I think. I am so indecisive - it is a wonder that I ever finished college, got married, had kids, signed up for adoption, bought a house, etc
I have tons of ideas. Idea gal - that's me! Great plans and love to share then with everyone - maybe even save the world! But when it comes to act on anything- I get cold feet, too risky, suppose I fail, look stupid, do it wrong and negative thoughts like these plague me.

My summer last year was torturous. I needed to take a leave from teaching to clear the brain, regroup. I was so stressed out, it wasn't healthy. Not anything in particular- just needed a change. So belaboring over & over for months - I took a one year leave to pursue some volunteer projects to make a difference & try new skills. It was good therapy until I realized that this change left my future uncertain. Yep, I looked back. My "old" position is not available and the new one I was assigned really stinks - for me. Not my major, grade level, and extra extra work for a part timer.

So now I have to decide to keep this awful teaching assignment for one year (enough to save for China) and hope, pray, hope and pray that my old position will open up, I won't stress out again, have confidence that it will work out. Or do I leave for good and go a different venue in this terrible economic time and take risks, be more assertive, and be a bit more "uncomfortable."

My friend tells me there are not such things as mistakes...I am trying to agree but anxious about my future. I do trust that God has a path for me - it could be to learn lots of lessons the hard way - that is scary. Sure, some day I will look back and see it was no big deal - but at the moment - its very consuming. I am trying real hard to accept the changes- I am just too darn emotional & a bit high strung for some of this.

Today I say one thing - the next day another. I am like this until the deadline comes.
Can you imagine what a joy it must be to live with me????