A New Change

So sorry - I can't believe how long it has been. Well, last month was a bit stressful & I didn't know how to focus that anxiety into a blog worth reading.

Now I am content. I made the decision to take a new job. It still has to do with education but I help coordinate new programs and curriculum for an Art & science center. I love, love, love it! I enjoy being there. I am excited to get up each day and go. I even take the time to fuss and get ready. The people are so creative. I love the meetings where we just throw around ideas and brainstorm. You can feel the enthusiasm. So many possibilities.

I had to do a lot of soul searching this past summer. My poor devoted friends and family had to listen to me ramble on and on. I like to talk my thoughts & problems aloud. Yep - that can drive many people nuts.I think I talk in my sleep too.

Anyhow- this is a very good turn for me. Keeps me focused, energized and busy. This was God's plan all along.

Summertime

I am tired of stressing about "stuff!"
We live in the North.
Summer is something you just have to enjoy to remind yourself of when all the cold weather comes.

Why haven't I posted lately- been outside - keeping busy. No schedule- loving every minute. Getting some good R & R.

Every summer we make a list of things to do and enjoy checking it off. This year's list -

1) go to Mexico to visit family (check)
2) go to friend's cabin (check)
3) Go golfing at the par 3 (check)
4) Go to Nature center to find frogs (check), Turtles (check), bugs (check), Fish (check) and watch birds (check)
Bonus points -Got chased by a mean turkey.
5) Rollerblade 50 miles - the whole summer cumulative - OK not at this one but almost half way.
6) Have a bon fire & eat smores (check)
7) Go Tubing & Swim in Lake (check)
8) Move kids into newly decorated bedrooms (check)
9) Kids go to 3 camps of choice (check) - FREE me time!
10) GO kite flying (check)
11) Make a sand castle - OK kids thought a rocket would be funner(is this a word?) (check)
12) GO to a baseball game - next weekend
13) Attend a play (check)
14) See Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian (check)
15) Swim in Pacific Ocean (Check)
16) Go Canoeing
17) Eat more meals outside than inside (haven't kept track)
18) Pick fresh blueberries (check), Corn (check) and sweet peas (check) & Pumpkins (later)

Doesn't get much better than this.
Oh what am I doing about my big career decisions - oh leave that for another day...

A vacation!

Off for a two week vacation. We are in Mexico and I have found it easy to get away & relax. The weather is great & so is the view of the mountains & lake. It is easy to see why my mother moved here, but I am a convienence gal so this will only be a vacation- nothing more.
I'll post a few pictures soon.

Indecisiveness

It is a disease with me, I think. I am so indecisive - it is a wonder that I ever finished college, got married, had kids, signed up for adoption, bought a house, etc
I have tons of ideas. Idea gal - that's me! Great plans and love to share then with everyone - maybe even save the world! But when it comes to act on anything- I get cold feet, too risky, suppose I fail, look stupid, do it wrong and negative thoughts like these plague me.

My summer last year was torturous. I needed to take a leave from teaching to clear the brain, regroup. I was so stressed out, it wasn't healthy. Not anything in particular- just needed a change. So belaboring over & over for months - I took a one year leave to pursue some volunteer projects to make a difference & try new skills. It was good therapy until I realized that this change left my future uncertain. Yep, I looked back. My "old" position is not available and the new one I was assigned really stinks - for me. Not my major, grade level, and extra extra work for a part timer.

So now I have to decide to keep this awful teaching assignment for one year (enough to save for China) and hope, pray, hope and pray that my old position will open up, I won't stress out again, have confidence that it will work out. Or do I leave for good and go a different venue in this terrible economic time and take risks, be more assertive, and be a bit more "uncomfortable."

My friend tells me there are not such things as mistakes...I am trying to agree but anxious about my future. I do trust that God has a path for me - it could be to learn lots of lessons the hard way - that is scary. Sure, some day I will look back and see it was no big deal - but at the moment - its very consuming. I am trying real hard to accept the changes- I am just too darn emotional & a bit high strung for some of this.

Today I say one thing - the next day another. I am like this until the deadline comes.
Can you imagine what a joy it must be to live with me????

Crazy Dog!

Don't let that sweet looking face fool you! OOOOOHHHHH! She makes me so neurotic! Ok short trip for me but my fuse is low and I am trying to save that fragile jar of patience for my two boys who love to test that gray line.

The dog - aka called Coco - I use other words not "G" rated but she just chewed Gman's friend's sandal Crocs. So early the next morning I went up to the mall to get him a new pair. Later that day she chews Gman's shoes that were on the bed to be packed for our trip!

I cannot leave her alone in a room. She has dug craters in my flower beds, laid on the hostas to cool off, and chewed my gardening gloves (they were on a shelf in the garage) How did she get them???

The scariest part is that she still doesn't come when called. She won't bolt from the side door - but my friend left the other day out the front door and she snuck right past us!

Out into the street!

I freaked!

Our other (gentler, trained) dog ran out at a friends house & was hit by a car. So our family cannot go through this again!

I opened the car doors to see if she would jump in instead of playing run away with me in the street. I even got a piece of hot dog but by then she spotted our neighbors cat and ran after that. Luckily, we were able to trap her in the neighbor's garage. I know we need to train her on this. Hopefully this summer we can focus on this to do it right.

We decided to have her stay at a kennel while we are away. I don't want anything to happen to her while we are gone & she can be unpredictable. I had people willing to house sit but I just don't think I can relax enough when she tries to get away.

Yes, she is lovable. Stubborn. The boys adore her. But she has this independent streak in her that we are not use to. Our other German shepherd mutt mixes were a bit more needy and wanted to be near us all the time.

Just like every child is different- every dog seems to have its own personality too.

Quick update

- we dropped out of puppy class. Our dog is still wild. Couldn't handle having the biggest problem dog in class.
- Was passed up on promotion- dealing with it.
- waiting impatiently for next job assignment.
- Celebrated 17 yrs marriage- we've come a long way, baby!
- Found this year very introspective yet I am seeing the bigger picture
- built my trust in God with stronger faith
- My boys are growing in young adults & each stage give us a new perspective
- still waiting to adopt, never sure if we are going to if it takes as long as they predict
- I have great friends & family support, I have had more coffee house chats with them this year than I have my entire life!

I hope to be back into this blog this summer. I do make up posts in my head but missing some of that old zeal I had to continue. Off to Mexico for 10 days in June to visit my mother. I need this vacation.

Puppy Class! Part 1

This will be written in part to give you the whole background...so check back weekly...

I've lost the battle but I am going to win the war! We have to join a puppy class to schedule regular training time with our new puppy -remember the 60lb one!

What's the big deal, you say? Pride- that is it. B.K. (before kids) my husband & I enjoyed dog training for a good solid 5 years. Almost 4 nights a week we were out with the dogs: obedience, agility, search & rescue and just plain fun swimming with them. They are a great way to plan for parenthood- really.

We loved the agility. We even had a synchronized team that was hysterical when the dogs decided to give attitude. My dog would just lay down and ignore me- others would start playing. Mot my gal she was always beyond the training. Once in an obedience ring, she yawned. Another time she gave the judge a nice sniff between his legs. We didn't do any breed shows, we never had that plan. Once I saw women curling the hair of a poodle & putting ribbons on the dog. I never spend even that much time on myself - let alone on a dog. I did threaten to do that to my gal if she gave me attitude again.

We weren't really competitive about the training. Never placed in anything with A*K_C* but would get our certificates. Our dogs were always spayed or neutered. So we weren't trying to get the best for breeding. We did have fun.

Some of the best shows were with A*M_B*E*R, American mixed Breeds, aka mutts. They were more our style. They seemed to love dogs for the individuals. Our "mutt" was a great working dog, she loved to please. My Husband & her were quite the pair. She was quick to learn. We trained more positive, used slip collars but nothing like pinch collars or hurting the dog. You could not food train her because she would lose her brain with food, touch & words of praise worked beautifully. She was a special gal too.

Our search & rescue was a disaster. We live a very flat area of our state. No one gets lost. We enjoyed learning how to search & track at first, then we lost faith in our trainer, who just needed to stop lecturing at us & admit she had not idea how to do this. Every week it was different, and any trainer would know that consistency is the most important part to learning. We left the group after a year of being deceived. We weren't as active but did try things on our own. After kid one & two, we had less sleep at nights, less energy and just enjoyed the dogs with the kids.

Each dog is a chapter of our lives. We have special memories for each. Below the white shepherd was my gal: Kimba, and the brown terrier- German shepherd was Tesla. This is their later years.

Who to Give to?

This is typical. My mailbox is full of groups wanting donations. The pile you see before you is just environmental groups - not even radical ones but ones to safe parts of land, ocean or animals.
I think I only gave to one or two. Now I have been definitely sold on some mailing list.

I use to feel guilty with the little gifts they sent - address labels, wrapping paper, tote bags - and I would donate to send something to cover those costs. But now - I didn't ask for this & it is too much. It is a waste & probably kills more trees by printing all this junk!

We try to be generous. It just seems that it is becoming too much lately. Now we are doing more local donations. Specific to our community or near by city that has homeless shelters & food kitchens. We also give to local animal shelters and to specific school projects. Lastly, not so local but to Star*fish & Love w/o Boundari*s but obviously near to my heart.

PS sorry but it seems that I have been a "once-a-month-poster" and now should have a a little more time this month write more. Although, I still check in with some of you regularly.

New puppy

Meet our new puppy! Her name is Coco. We found her through an animal foster group. She is about 7 months old and 56 lbs! Yes- she is part German shepherd & St. Bernard. We joke that we got our youngest son (58 lbs) a pony! How big will she get?- about 80-90lbs. - Just enough to keep strangers out.
Very cute & lovable - but so un-trained. I am down two pairs of shoes & a pair of leather gloves. Countless kid toys. She was even creative by chewing on the kids' sled. I think we will need to get horse riding lessons from MG. Does she look ridable enough? ;)


Why a new dog? - We lost our other dog to a tragic accident so one week without a canine was too long. Too emotional to blog.

Back to casual

I am going to my hubby's work party. It is at a fancy conference center, lots of food, free gambling for tickets to be used in a lottery type of giveaway of some cool stuff. His work has been doing very well. It wasn't like this 5 years ago. They cut back all the parties & fluff. Now- the solar industry is doing well. Viola! We have a party! This is quite the contrast to my potluck work party in a pole barn. Mine was fun and down to earth but his work really spoils people well.

I missed last year's party due to my grandfather's funeral. So I was really excited for this. Get my little black dress out, heels, pearls, time to primp.

Yesterday, I was informed the theme is "sports" in honor of the superbowl. Yuck! So it looks like I'll throw on my red wing hockey jersey (how NOT flattering) and jeans. Maybe I'll sneak off to the sport store and see what they have. I did joke that maybe a Dallas Cheerleader outfit- Yes a joke. Those of you that know me - know I couldn't do it! No matter how much money you were offering...

Paper

Second assignment for this class was "paper".

Titled: Enlightened

One son said "Take pictures of origami animals." I looked at the crew and asked who can actually make something other than paper airplanes. There wasn't any response.

Second son thought pictures of burning paper would be "cool."
Since I had to have my hands on the camera, I wasn't comfortable with fire in the young'n hands. I know crazy parent- never any fun.

Husband said mentioned the recycling center. I looked at him with my favorite "dumb" looks because it was a good idea!

Here is what I have for class:

Titled: Plastic to go


Titled: Collage

Photo Class

I signed up for a photography class. It is called Right brain photography. Our instructor seems really good at this. He has been teaching at many area colleges and still keeps a full time job as a scientist. I think that is what peaked my interest besides the need for some challenging fun with my hobby.


I had my first class last week. There are only 7 of us. Three teens and two middle age men and another women a bit older than me. Our instructor doesn't seem to like digital but said two of us can. He said that the benefit of digital is self gratification. Uh - yeah- I agreed plus trying to get a picture of active boys - I want to know I got the memory in some form.

We were told to find a photographer we liked and find one with our similar style. Our first photographic assignment was "Eggs." Interpret as you like but pay attention to the lighting he said.
I like people pictures- expressions and something to bring people out. He is preferring we do studio work to be reproducible. I didn't get moved by this topic. I have attached a few. I had to doctor them in photoshop. These are not favorites (thank goodness for digital to delete later). I did try to get my son to drop the egg and I wanted to get it just as it was cracking on the plate. In my head it looked lovely. after a dozen eggs - it wasn't working. Timing, speed of camera. I do have a digital SLR, but still sometimes slow. Mostly caused by my lack of patience and interest. We gave up.


I hope for something else tonight. We have to share our pictures. This is hard for me. I can put my work online but then I don't have to see if you liked them or not.
Another assignment was to read the camera manual. Tonight is my class, I have pictures and a photographer but only a part of the manual( Very dry...). Just not really enough time.

Strange But True

I came across some tid bits to share...

A car uses 1.6 oz of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average car!

It is estimated that 4 million "junk" telephone calls, phone solicitations by persons or programmed machine are made every day in the United states!
(I'd say at least 20 a week at my house)

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out & can be recycled an infinite amount of times.

Forest fires move faster uphil than downhill.

Most lipstick contains fish scales. (ARGH! YUCK!)

Skepticism is the longest word that alternates hands when typing. (Yep.. I just confirmed that)

Over 2500 left handed people are killed from using products made for right handed people! (Now what "products" are we talking about????)

Just for fun- yeah - I'm a geek ....

Not a light switch...

This seems like a dumb post but I have to get it out. I am not a light switch. I cannot turn my emotions on and off like that.

How many times have you told to forget about it? I try & try but I still think about it.

How many times have you been told to stop worrying? I try & try but I can't seem to think about it.

How many times have you been told to cheer up? I try & try but I still feel down.

How many times have you been told to be patient? I try & try but I am still anxious.

Ok - now these are well meaning people. I want people to be happy or get them to feel better TOO - but all my self talk, inspirational poems, good advice from friends- it just takes some TIME to move on.

I have trouble putting up a good front, I am the lousiest card player- if I have good cards - I'm in. If I am not sure, risky cards, or bad cards - I fold. There is no bluffing with me, that's for sure. So you will be able to read my emotions right away. My body language will give it away. I do like the phrase - what you see is what you get.

Time can be a postive. I appear to have alot more of it lately too. Time to finally view the situation differently. If I avoid it - it festers- not helpful. You also have to have an open mind before actually trying to take a look at the other side.

Soooooo what is the point to this? I am not sure. For my friends & family I've kept in the dark lately...Just be patient with me:) I think I operate more as a dimmer switch.....