Who's the Boss?

My father picked up my grandparents at the airport and drove them halfway to meet my dH yesterday. We have a switchero spot- a gas station where we hustle two elderly people out of one van into another with suitcases. Maybe I should get darker sunglasses too.

I was told they would be at my house by 4pm. I needed to pick up a prescription for my son so at 5 pm, I left a note that I'd be right back. Of course, they came during the 10 minutes I was gone. My grandmother's first words to me were "Where were you? Why weren't you here? We flew out to see you. I missed you."

She looks really well. She is 5 ft and holding. Reddish hair and spunky. My grandfather seemed to be a bit jet lagged and tired. I steer him to the couch. He didn't say much - but then again he doesn't get a chance. She is whispering a lot to me about him being forgetful. He can hear her, she has the hearing aids. So I think the grin on his face is a "whatever" look.

She greets us and tells my oldest that he is too skinny. Pulls out a bag (see photo) of candy for them. She opens it and starts to give them some. I say "how about after dinner?" My kids aren't the best eaters. She looked at me and mumbles to them "Your mother is a fuddie-duddie." Tells me to "stop being a nag and a few pieces won't hurt nobody."
Also whispers to the boys "what your mother doesn't know, won't matter" and continues to give them more candy to eat.
They boys look at me and then at her. She says- "of course they'll eat dinner."
I caved. Not like it mattered anyway.

Dinner or Dessert - you decide?

My son has a cough - I had it checked out anyway before they came since I don't want them to get sick. The cough is more of a hack and sounds terrible. He coughed in front of her and she said "uh-oh. No coughing allowed here, mister!" She said it loudly and sharply as a joke but it scared my 10 yr old.

In tears he said "I can't help it." I had to explain it to him - yelling is common with some of my relatives - it isn't that you are in trouble - it is just the way to be heard over all the other relatives. We really don't yell in our house. I grew-up with lots of good & bad yelling so we generally keep our voices even.

Dinner went well. Just your basic chicken & cheese dish. When I put a few carrots on her dish, she replies "let's not get crazy with the vegetables, shall we?" My children look at me and grin.

My grandparents wanted their "coffee" with dessert. I forget - it this an East Coast thing? I don't know many people who do it here.
My grandmother insisted on putting the milk in a creamer (to serve two mugs of coffee) and asked me if I had real cup & saucers. I'll get those out for tomorrow.

We watched a little TV. They like to watch CSI and JAG. It was a rerun so my grandfather & Dh watched the baseball game. That gave my grandmother & I some more time to talk. She showed me pictures (about 50+) of her other great grandson from my cousin. He is the first great grandchild from my aunt's children and well photographed. She got teary about missing family, and that we are so far away. I never know what to say. I replied "but you are here now. I am so glad you were able to visit with me too!"

I understand how this is difficult. Where she grew up - everyone lived in the same area. Her parents lived down the street.Her brothers & sisters called every day - those were your "friends." They lived not more than 5 minutes away. I used to spend 2 weeks every summer with my sister there and it was always a party. People would come by for "coffee & cake." We live in the midwest, they are in the south and some cousins still live in the East. Families are now widespread. I think she was planning on all of us living nearby too. She really never developed any hobbies or made any friends outside the family. I see her loneliness and *mental note* need to call & visit more.

Tucking my son into bed- asks " Mom, is she the boss of you?"
I reply " well, sort of." (Parenting helps you with lack of commitment)
He asks again "I mean, do you have to do what she says?"
I reply "It is respectful to do what she asks. So yes, I listen to her."

Now he gets this really big wide grin on his face. I think he has a plan in the works.


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Side note: We tried to discuss 6 months ago, that we were adopting from China. She didn't understand. She said all those things you are not suppose to say. I really wasn't insulted. I do know that I will try to shelter my daughter from comments like those later. If I was adopting from Italy or US then it would make more sense to them. We won't be bringing it up while they are here.